would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
