my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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