man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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