When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
