You smell like a Billy Joel song
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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