im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
