before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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