Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
