She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
