I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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