I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
