I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
