i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
