i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
