Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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