YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
