talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
