Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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