other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
