Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
