dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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