I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want nice things and good sex
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
