K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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