Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
