Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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