i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
