I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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