he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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