3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
