My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
