Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
