piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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