I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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