Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
