Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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