the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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