it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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