He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
