Be still, my beating vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
