My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
