Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
