it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
