i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
