new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
