haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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