Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
