I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
