Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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