So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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