I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
