if i can run in heels then i can drive
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
