Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
