I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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