Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
