You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
