Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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