there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
